this morning was the morning that i would find out if i made the cut. i walked to pinned up papers and scanned them over multiple times. one...two...three...........four? it wasn't there. i felt like i had been punched in the gut. standing there staring at the number hoping for some chance that i misssed it. hoping that if i stared hard enough, it would appear. it never did. i turned around and walked back to my friends; still unaware of what i had just learned. as i rejoined the circle, a million questions formed into one: "Did you make it". thats when it all hit me, and it hit me hard. i felt the tears sweling in my eyes as i squeezed out the answer through my closing thoat. i bit my tongue; not wanting to cry; not wanting everyone to know that i did not make it.
i managed to hold in all my emotions. at least till i got to second period. thats when i broke down. Kelsey held me and let me cry on her shoulder. and i'm greatful she did; i don't think i could have made it the rest of the day with out that.
throught the day i was reminded of what i could not get. each time, having to bite my tongue harder and harder, to prevent to incoming tears. every time i got over it, another person asked. i wanted everyone to shut up. to forget the topic. i even avoided people, so that i didn't have to go through everything once more.
when i came home my mom was waiting for me; ready to comfort me. we sat on my bed. i cried. i cried lots. we talked. i cried some more. i don't want to cry any more.
once i wiped away all my make-up smugges i checked my email. to my surprise, a guys from second period (when i broke down) asked me if i was okay. that just about made my day. i don't think he could ever understand how much that meant to me. i really appreciated his concern. i will definitely remember that.
i eventually got over my crashing emotions. and i got to thinking. if i can't be on the team, then can i be somewhat apart of it? i want to be a manger for the volleyball team. i emailed the coach with my request, and i hope that she approves.
so, i didn't make the team. thats alright. i still won't stop playing...ever. maybe next time. And this time, i will be prepared.
5 comments:
great, positive attitude. i like how honest you are with your feelings. i love you.
dad
hey kayla i hope you do make it next time. and its good that you are going to keep playing,
becca
You are one if a kind! I admire you.
hey Kayla i found your blog!!!! I just want you to know that you're a great volleyball player and that you should have made it. The coaches already knew who they wanted because thats what always happens so they didn't even look at you. Im so happy i found your page!!!!
i am sooo happy that u are able to be positive about it.
If it was my team, i would have put you on. you are soooo muich better than me.
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